Happy Life Coaching

Instant gratification vs. Long term fulfillment.....

2012-02-09T09:23:00.000-08:00

In today's day and age, technology has afforded us the "luxury" of instant everything. If you want a song or album you can sign on to Itunes and download it. If you want a movie you can turn on Netflix and buy it. If you need to talk to someone you can text, IM, skype, call, and email. Keep in mind the calling and emailing are the new "snail mail" versions of communicating. Neurologically our society has been trained to get things instantly. We expect all aspects to happen at the blink of an eye and when there is some sort of process or delay we become extremely uncomfortable.

Now just to be clear I am not negating the awesomeness of all these luxuries. I engage in them more often than not. HOWEVER - when it comes to human interaction, love, financial security, career, peace of mind, serenity, health, sobriety, and stillness there is no app or device that can get you those things right away. They take time. They take consistency. They take dedication and focus.

This article is specifically about what do you want/need now vs. wanting and needing in the long term.

I have many clients who face the decision regarding a JOB vs. CAREER.

Do they take the job right now to pay the bills or do they hold out and take the time needed to research their passion, train, and network for their CAREER?

My thought? BOTH!!!! Instead of looking at this as an "OR" situation - what can you do right now to look at is as an "AND" situation?

Look... I have blogged about this endless amounts of times. RETICULAR ACTIVATING SYSTEM. Your reticular activating system is the part of your brain that tells you what to notice around you. For example: DO NOT under any circumstance think of the color RED. Don't do it - I am warning you - DON'T think of the color RED! What are you thinking about? Red right? Your subconscious doesn't know how to negate - it will always look for what you tell it to whether you want it or not. Take this example: You want to know what the name of the restaurant is that you and your family went to in your old town growing up. You can't remember the name but you remember the cross streets and the name of the town. You go to GOOGLE and type in the information you do know. BAM the name of the restaurant pops up with tons of information. You typed information into Google and Google searched for the answer with the information you gave it. The brain works the same exact way. What shows up in your life is dictated by the language you use - ALWAYS.

So in regards to the JOB vs. CAREER - what language can you start to use to either working in a job vs. working toward a career? If you tell your brain that you can do both your brain will search out ways to achieve that. It is a simple concept but not necessarily easy to accomplish. This takes dedication, focus, and being accountable for an outcome.

Here is a key tip on beginning your journey of a fulfilling career....

Ask an EMPOWERING QUESTION. Empowering Questions are the keys to discovery. Any time you ask a question that begins with "Why" you are most likely in the problem. "Why do I keep finding dead end jobs?"

Google that sentence. Do it right now. Look at the web pages that come up. Your language will dictate what shows up in your life. Now type in: "Where can I go to find a fulfilling career?" Look at those web pages - pretty amazing ins't it? THIS IS HOW YOUR BRAIN WORKS. By asking questions that begin with WHAT, WHERE, WHEN, & HOW - your reticular activating system (just like the Google search engine) will start to find exactly what you are looking for.

Also - it really helps if you hire a coach - like me to support you with accountability and to set a course of action to achieve your outcome.

Please call me for a complimentary coaching session today. 818-903-9983.

Have a beautiful day!

Starting over....

2012-01-02T10:43:00.000-08:00

"STARTING OVER IS WHAT CREATION IS ALL ABOUT" - Anonymous

I bet if you took a poll and asked a group of people what starting over meant to them - the answers would lean toward defeat in some way.

Think about this: Creation.

Creation is the birth of new things to come. Creation is about learning and experiencing something beyond the scope of our thinking. Our finite minds can really block out infinite possibilites and opportunities.

So for 2012 - what can you create by starting over?

You don't have to now do something that you didn't do in 2011. What about a completely new idea or ideal to go after? If you wanted to lose weight in 2011 and didn't accomplish your goals - what about CREATING vitality in your life for 2012. Changing our language changes our actions which changes our results.

When one says they want to LOSE WEIGHT. What are they focusing on? The weight. Our subconscious mind will then in turn look for weight. Our RAS - reticular activation system (the neurological process of what our brain looks for) will search for weight. This said person will see other people with weight issues. He/she will focus on people who are thinner and possibly envy that body and compare it to their own - in a negative way perhaps. So think about this: if this said person was focusing on VITALITY - what changes? EVERYTHING. The reticular activating system will pick up on foods to fuel, ways to move the body that invigorates and stimulates. This is a starting over process of CREATING a new way of living because we are CREATING new ways to think, speak, and act.

Let me know what you tend to CREATE for 2012. I'd love to hear your stories.

2011-10-31T09:51:00.000-07:00

"The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are." - John Pierpont Morgan -

Where are you today? Where would you like to be tomorrow? What is in the way of getting there? Call me today for a complimentary coaching session so I can support you in reaching your best life yet!!!!

818-903-9983

RECIPROCITY - refers to responding to a positive action with another positive action

2011-10-06T09:52:00.000-07:00

ARE YOU BEING KIND TODAY?

WE RECEIVE WHAT WE GIVE.

IMAGINE A LIFE WHERE WE SMILE AT A STRANGER - CONNECT WITH OUR NEIGHBORS....

SPREAD LOVE - SMILE - BE KIND.

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2011-10-05T20:56:00.001-07:00

THANK YOU!!! REST IN PEACE

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CHOOSE THE HIGHER FREQUENCY

2011-10-05T19:16:00.000-07:00

We create our reality. The results of our lives originate from our thoughts. What comes up for you when you look at this beautiful piece of art? Join in the conversation today:)

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2011-10-05T18:38:00.000-07:00

HE CHOSE LIFE. HE CHOSE LOVE. WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE?

IT'S UP TO YOU.

YOU CREATE YOUR STORY.

PLEASE WATCH HIS.

JR Martinez - An incredible man with a spirit that is LARGER THAN LIFE.

Here is a transcript of some of his DANCING WITH THE STARS B-ROLL.

"I was depressed....I would have been better off if I wouldn't have survived...

I remember my mother telling me that whoever was going to be in my life for whatever reason they were going to be in my life because of who I am as a person and not because of what I looked like....

Something about those words.... At that moment I CHOSE - and I don't know why I chose - to fight and try to be upbeat and try to be positive from that day on."

He was talking about the day his life changed in Afghanistan when his Jeep drove over a land mine.

Please take a moment to watch this truly moving piece - to thrive in his spirit for life and love and to see how each of us can affect one another for the better.

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IT'S AUTUMN - TURN OVER A NEW LEAF!!!

2011-09-19T10:34:00.000-07:00

December 27thish is the time people start making New Years resolutions. They have eaten themselves into a Thanksgiving, Chaunkah, and Christmas coma. They have spent a lot of money on dinner parties, presents, family getaway trips etc...

What about making some plans before that time of the year even begins? It's Autumn - my favorite time of the year - the leaves are changing - well not in So Cal - but they are changing somewhere. Football season has arrived, the air gets crisper. Basically - it's perfect and awesome.

How would you like to enter this holiday season? Envision what you'd like to see happen. What could you do that is complete contrary action than seasons before? If you love your traditions and how you spend your time - is there something you can add to start a new tradition?

Also - what about some goal setting now so you have a head start on January 1st?

Here are some tips to get your neurological pathways going:

1) CONTRARY ACTION. If what you have been doing or engaging in isn't serving you - what is the opposite of that? Write it down in your journal and then continue to write what that contrary action would look like if you engaged in it.

2) AUTUMN CLEANSING. Time to switch over your closets. Put the swimsuits away and get your sweaters out. Throw away or donate clothes you haven't worn in over 2 years. Rearrange your furniture. Pick up some pumpkin scented candles. Get into the season.

3) ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNER. They rock. Change is challenging. It is so much easier and also more fun when you are doing it with someone else.

4) SET GOALS. What would you like to have accomplished by Thanksgiving? By Christmas? By January 1st? Start now. There is no time like the crisp autumn present.

5) HIRE A COACH! ME!!!! Call me today for a complimentary coaching session. I am telling you - you will be happy you did! 818-903-9983

xo

M

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When are emotions just emotions vs. becoming your identity?

2011-08-15T08:34:00.001-07:00

This is an interesting and layered concept. Just because we make mistakes doesn't mean we ARE a mistake. Just because we feel shame it doesn't mean we are shameful or bad people.

I have been reading about shame lately. One book in particular talks about healthy shame vs. toxic shame. Healthy shame is necessary because it teaches us boundaries. It teaches us humility. It reminds us that we are perfectly imperfect human beings. Toxic shame occurs when we take the emotion of shame - the feeling of shame - and make it our identity.

When one labels themselves as a failure or as a bad person because they are ashamed of something they did - it infiltrates every fiber of their being. This person will then be living in a false sense of reality. Their true self - their authentic self is neurologically replaced by a false self and the actions they take is based on being bad or completely flawed.

A few weeks ago I threw a baby shower for one of my best friends. There were about 40 people attending and I wanted it to be truly special and unique. Another friend was in charge of the food and I was in charge of the decorations, the beverages, hosting etc. To make a long story short I had a mini meltdown about 3 hours before the guests were to arrive. And when I say mini meltdown times that by about 100:) My friend who was in charge of the food was stuck on the 405 fwy - (for those readers who don't live in CA - it's basically a parking lot 6 days a week) - the only things I had in my house to serve was about 5 pounds of cucumbers and tomatoes, wine and water. When my friend called me to tell me she was running late I broke down. I was crying, I felt panic, I was pissed!!!! She felt awful and I felt awful. However, in the end - the food was picked up by another friend. The party was a huge success.

POINT BEING: I had a melt down. I was crying on the phone to my friend. She felt awful that I was panicked. I lost my composure. I FELT ASHAMED I reacted like that. She knew exactly what she was doing. She is the most trustworthy person I know. When she says she is going to do something she does it - but I lost it. I FELT ASHAMED.

After the guests left and we had our post party rap session I felt so ridiculous for acting like I did. We laughed at my break down and I am not going to lie - I made assumptions that this friend thought I was incapable of hosting a party in a calm and rational manner. I made assumptions that she thought I was a bit crazy.

Thankfully with all the work I do on myself and with others I was able to turn that around.

COMPASSION towards self is really one of life's true gifts. Because I had a "mini" meltdown doesn't mean my life is chaos. I am human. I have feelings. I AM NOT MY FEELINGS.

Be mindful of what you do with your feelings.

Compassion toward self - accepting your humanity - treating yourself like you would a small child when they spill something or break something... This will diffuse the shame that can take over your identity.

We are human, we are perfectly imperfect. How cool is that?

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Your beliefs dictate your actions and your actions dictate your life. What do you believe?

2011-06-12T11:54:00.000-07:00

Written by a 7 year old boy.... AMAZING

by Michele Azenzer on Thursday, February 26, 2009 at 3:27pm

Thirty Things I Believe

As heard on NPR's Weekend Edition Sunday, January 18, 2009.

I believe life is good.

I believe God is in everything.

I believe we’re all equal.

I believe we can help people.

I believe everyone is weird in their own way.

I believe hate is a cause for love.

I believe that when I meditate I feel peaceful.

I believe we should be generous.

I believe brothers and sisters should be kind to each other.

I believe kids should respect their parents.

I believe I should not whine.

I believe people should wake up early.

I believe people should go outside more.

I believe in nature.

I believe people should use less trees.

I believe we should help the Arctic and rainforest animals.

I believe people shouldn’t throw litter on the ground.

I believe people should not smoke.

I believe God is in good and bad.

I believe in magic.

I believe people should not give up.

I believe love is everywhere.

I believe that God helps us to have a good time.

I believe we live best in a community.

I believe we can protect people in danger.

I believe we should help the poor.

I believe it's okay to die but not to kill.

I believe war should not have started.

I believe war should stop.

I believe we can make peace.

Seven-year-old Tarak McLain was born in Thailand and lives with his family in Austin, Texas. He collects and hands out food to the homeless, raises money for orphans and impoverished schools, reads about the world's religions, and listens to public radio.

Independently produced for NPR by Jay Allison and Dan Gediman with John Gregory and Viki Merrick.

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YOUR INTERNAL WILL DICTATE YOUR EXTERNAL!!!

2011-06-12T09:50:00.000-07:00

What are your internal thoughts??? My mentor NIURKA asks the following question all the time: "If you gave me recording of your internal thoughts, what would I hear?" Think about that.... Choose one dominant thought right now that loops in your head on a continual basis. Do you have it? Ok... Now - how has that manifested in your life? Are you in fear of finances or scarcity? If you answer yes - then take a look at the finances in your life. Do they reflect your internal dialogue?

You see - everything we think about will come to fruition. Our minds have that much power. It has to do with something called the Reticular Activation System. Our RAS dictates what we notice around us based on what our internal dialogue is. An example: Have you ever been in the market for a car and all of a sudden you see that car on the street everywhere? Those cars have always been there - but now you are tuned into it and you can actually see what your mind is thinking.

You have the power to bring into your life all the abundance and love and joy and passion and and and... into your life. It all starts with your internal dialogue.

Here are some tools to start changing your thoughts which will in turn change your life.

1) Gratitude lists. Most nights I write a gratitude list of 33 things that I love or feel completely blessed about in my life. By going to sleep with these things on the forefront of my mind - subconsciously - they are embedded into my thinking and feeling for the next day. I find myself waking up feeling peaceful. That is unless I miss the alarm and have to rush off to my first appointment :)

2) Calling the people I love in my life just to see how THEY are doing. There is no other reason for the call. It is a way for me to get out of my own head and be of service unconditionally to another person.

3) Exercise and Food. I find when I move my body in a way that feels right for me - I appreciate all it can do. It used to be about losing weight - vanity - ego... Today it is about what feels right - what gives me vitality - how to stay healthy and vibrant. What kind of exercise do you LIKE to do? If you feel you are engaging in exercise that isn't mentally and spiritually empowering STOP immediately. Explore what works for you. Your body will reflect the thoughts you have while working out. If you are in a place of have to's and should's - your body will be in a disempowered state. If you come from a place of I am excited or this feels good - your body will reflect that. I have experienced that and it amazes me on a daily basis. I used to go to the gym for hours and starve myself with every diet there was. Yes - I would lose weight but it was all fear based. Fear of not losing enough or fear of gaining it all back. I swear to you - today I work out less and eat more - but because my INTERNAL THOUGHTS are embedded in love and faith - my body has regulated itself and reflects exactly what I think about it. It never fails me.

4) Cleaning out clutter in your life. My dear friend Lili Petit from Clutterhealing.com has taught me that giving up material things in your life is freeing and allows you to be present for the gifts life has to offer. Having old clothes or products in your house energetically keeps you in the past. GET RID OF IT. DONATE THEM. Just get present so you can see TODAY'S GIFTS all around you. Your RAS will guide you to an abundance of really cool things.

So this is just the tip of the iceberg of things you can do to start living your best life.

Please call me for a free consultation today and let's work together to shift the paradigm of your life.

Happylifecoaching.com

818-903-9983

Taking the ACTION!!!

2011-05-17T07:36:00.000-07:00

I invite you to ask yourself the following question: Am I action oriented or results oriented? What did you come up with. I will fill in this portion of the post with some virtual elevator music while you come up with your answer........................................................................................................................................................

lee lee la la - awful music.... lee lee la la ......................... have you come up with your answer yet? Please say yes because I can't take this musical interlude much longer.

I know for me - I would have automatically said - RESULTS ORIENTED!!! I'M A COACH FOR GOODNESS SAKE. KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE PRIZE - LET THAT BE MY MOTIVATOR!!!!

But check this out - Action oriented steps are pretty amazing. Our finite minds come up with goals we want to accomplish - but the reality is - there are ENDLESS opportunities, experiences, beginnings, learnings, people, places and things that we don't even know exist. If we set a goal that only leads to what we know, we are shutting out all the abundance that is readily available to us. For example - you are a writer and you want to write THE movie to end all movies. Your RESULT ORIENTED action is writing the best screenplay there is - seeing yourself selling it to a major studio - having big stars in it or discovering some amazing newcomers. And then.... The premier! The red carpet!!!!! The Oscar goes to.....

However - let's say you are a writer and you are about to embark upon your screenplay. You take the action oriented steps. What about the research that goes into your screenplay? You go to let's say - New Orleans and meet some amazing people who have overcome some pretty challenging times. You get to eat some amazing food and listen to some of the best music there is. Let's say you get to know a specific family that changes a perspective of yours for the rest of your life - and perhaps the story line of your screenplay you were so dead set on. Maybe even meet the partner of your dreams on this trip. This family or new partner in your life then connect you to another family that you would have never have come into contact with if you weren't OPEN to the possibilities.

I am not saying to not keep your eye on the prize. It is imperative to have a vision and a motivating source. However... Keeping your eye only on the end result can cause overwhelm and then you risk shutting down. By being ACTION oriented - it allows you to be present - to enjoy the opportunities that you don't even know will occur. You can be taken in directions that you could never have dreamed up. I have found that when I am in the action - what the universe presents to me is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better than what my finite brain came up with in the first place.

So to recap... Taking the next right action will then lead you to the next right action and so on. Before you know it all those action steps will lead you to an end result that will blow your mind.

Dream the vision and take the Action!!!!

Try Less and accept more....

2011-04-22T12:52:00.001-07:00

TRY LESS AND ACCEPT MORE

I heard someone say this while I was walking on the beach this morning. We were both in motion in opposite directions but I heard it clear as day. As a Life Design Coach - this phrase seems counter intuitive. Try less??? Really? If I try less or if my clients try less won't they get less? Logic tells us that. Society tells us that. However, when I sat after my walk and thought about it - the times in my life that I felt the most fulfilled were when I accepted the present situation or person exactly as they were.

There are times where my clients' homework is TO DO NOTHING - throw away the to do lists...

(I have one client who just couldn't throw it away so she gave it to her best friend to hold for her. ) Turns out she never retrieved it and she felt like she got more accomplished just by being in the present moment - taking the next right action and staying out of the results.

This blog entry is a short one.

I am trying to say less right now and accept this concept more.

Should you choose to take on this theory of trying less and accepting more, I'd love to hear what you experienced.

Have a beautiful weekend.

When I point to you with one finger - three point back at me.

2011-04-20T08:56:00.000-07:00

Who is really unavailable???

I hear all the time from single women that they keep attracting unavailable men. I am here to report that I WAS one of those women.

I got it all the time... “Michele... You are amazing. You are so smart, sexy, beautiful, you have your s#!t together... and I know Iʼm going to regret this one day... but I am just not able to give you what you deserve... You deserve better.” Itʼs like someone published “THE HOW TO BREAK UP WITH MICHELE AZENZER” script.

I have to say that I have dated some really incredible men. They were kind and sexy. They were successful and funny as hell. When we first start dating we were totally into each other. I felt empowered and desired. They'd call me, text me, take me out. They showed me their vunerable side and open up to me. I feltl closer to them. They felt closer to me. We got closer and then next thing I knew, I was calling them, texting them, asking them when we were going to see each other again. I became the “understanding woman.” The woman who “gets” the fact they have kids, a job, a divorce the are still dealing with. And to be honest I DO UNDERSTAND those things. They are very valid life things. But there is a difference between life getting in the way and the guyʼs excuses getting in the way. Timing had a lot to do with it but so did my PICKER.

So I started to really think about this after my last 3 month relationship. Letʼs call him Ted. Ted was awesome. We met online. He stated he was looking for a relationship. He was handsome and had a great smile. His profile cracked me up. The first time we talked on the phone it was as if we had known one another for a long time. He has a daughter that he is totally devoted to ( always a chick magnet by the way ) and was separated. In my empowered stage I asked him what separated meant. Were they maybe getting back together? Was it done done? He was very emphatic about expressing to me that they were done done and it was just a matter of the divorce going through.

We met - and from the first time I saw him I was a goner. I remember so clearly he was at the bar, I rushed up because my car was parked on a busy street and the valet wasnʼt there but I wanted to be on time. He turned his head at me, smiled and that was it. I went back outside and texted him that I thought he was super cute. Great date - sushi, drinks, kissing, more drinks, tons of laughing, more kissing.

It was great. All of a sudden, I was in fantasy mode. I hadnʼt met someone I liked in a LONG time. The last relationship I was in was about a year. He was an amazing man - truly the best man I have ever known, but there was no chemistry. It was a sad fact; but a fact nonetheless that couldn't be overlooked. So Ted.... He never made plans ahead of time. He wasnʼt affectionate. His pet name for me was “man”... I would tell him I liked him and he would say “Thanks Man.” There was no romance but we were connected in some way I still canʼt express in words. We had a great time but it wasnʼt going “there”. Whatever there was.HE WASNʼT AVAILABLE to me. The reality is I knew this early on. I kid you not... he once said goodbye to me by patting me on the back, yet I continued to think this may lead to something. What does this say about me? Why did I think this would be any different? I analyzed, I got anxious that he wasnʼt into me. I would get upset if I didnʼt hear from him. But you know what? This is what I know. Excitement in the beginning. Empowered in the beginning and at the blink of an eye expectations, anxiety and resentment pop up. This is MY SHIT - NOT THEIRS. This was comfortable for me because intimacy scared the living crap out of me. By setting my expectations on a person I hardly knew it would eventually not be enough and it would end. I have learned that most people go with what they know - not what they want, and most times those two are contradictory.

True intimacy isnʼt sex. It is about time and patience. It is about allowing. Intimacy takes work, but itʼs internal work. In this day and age with texting, instant messaging, and online dating everything is so rushed. Despite technology, we are people with fears, insecurities, faith, and hope. Those human characteristics cannot be rushed. You canʼt instant message trust, respect, security, or empowerment.

Ted was a true gift. They all were. I learned that I had to break these patterns of expectations. They were the death of me. I am ready to accept love from someone who can give it to me and to politely decline the oneʼs who canʼt. By politely declining I make the declaration that I want intimacy and love. It took what it took for me to become available and it feels amazing. What about you? Are you ready to make the change?

How Much is Really Enough????

2011-04-19T23:55:00.000-07:00

It is pretty late and honestly - I can fall asleep right now - but I am feeling like I NEED TO DO SOMETHING GREAT... SOMETHING BIG... BIGGER THAN ANY OTHER PERSON. What is this compulsion about? When is what I am already doing enough???

In addition to my coaching business I am also an Assistant Director in television. My latest project has been "All My Children". About a year an a half ago - the Executive Producer moved the show from NY to LA to cut costs in order to keep this legacy of TV history on the air. Despite her amazing efforts we found out last week that we will be shooting for another 4-5 months.

Now mind you... I have only been on the show for 1 1/2 years of the 42 year run. As the cancellation was being announced - I am happy to report that I was able to step outside of my own little world and take in what my fellow crew members, production staff and cast were going through. Some of these people - have been on this show for over 30 years... Can you imagine what that news must have felt like? You dedicate a better part of your life toward a project or a cause and then it just goes away. How does one process? I digress... but have to say that this group of people were divinely put together. The entire cast moved out to the west coast and just embraced LA and all of what it has to offer. Most of the production staff up and moved as well in addition to some crew members. By the time we were 3 months in - it was as if we had been working together forever.

Coincidentally - we had this week (April 18, 2011 - April 25, 2011) off. It was weird... We found out on a Thursday - took an extended lunch, came back and went about our production for the rest of the day and all day Friday. So now there is some downtime....

Well come Monday I was off being PRODUCTIVE. I updated my resume, started contacting producers and other contacts in the industry.... I fielded calls from a social worker about a 9 year old girl who weighs 240 pounds. I am helping her find new avenues to help this child. It is something I am so passionate about... Helping young people thrive and find balance spiritually, physically, and mentally. While doing this, I went through all my bills to see what expenses I could cut so I can save more money in the coming months. I started looking at my twitter, Facebook, and Blogging accounts to see how I can become more visible as a coach. I ran 6 miles, had Passover dinner, went to the movies, made plans with friends, had a date... And it's ONLY TUESDAY.

When I came home from my dinner plans and movie tonight - my dear friend was online and we started chatting. She is writing a book and just sent me the link to her website that she constructed. As happy as I am for her - I can't help but think... Where is my book? Should I update my website???? Should I be writing more articles???? So it got me thinking...

When is enough enough? When is what I am already doing enough to feel satisfied and that I am a child of this universe with the purpose of being of service however that manifests.

This is why I love writing... This is why I love being honest - sharing my challenges as well as my victories because as I am writing this I realize that I am MORE THAN ENOUGH. As I give, the world gives to me. I am proud of my endeavors, I am proud of all I do and I am excited about all I will continue to do.

Thank you for listening... Please feel free to post back any thoughts. xoxoxoxo M

2011-04-04T09:06:00.000-07:00

This is a story that moved me to tears. It has a beautiful message.

The Cab Ride I’ll Never Forget

“I don’t think that I have done anything more important in my life…”

Twenty years ago, I drove a cab for a living.

It was a cowboy’s life, a life for someone who wanted no boss.

What I didn’t realize was that it was also a ministry.

Because I drove the night shift, my cab became a moving confessional. Passengers climbed in, sat behind me in total anonymity, and told me about their lives. I encountered people whose lives amazed me, ennobled me, and made me laugh and weep.

But none touched me more than a woman I picked up late one August night. I was responding to a call from a small brick fourplex in a quiet part of town. I assumed I was being sent to pick up some partyers, or someone who had just had a fight with a lover, or a worker heading to an early shift at some factory for the industrial part of town.

When I arrived at 2:30 a.m., the building was dark except for a single light in a ground floor window.

Under these circumstances, many drivers would just honk once or twice, wait a minute, then drive away.

But I had seen too many impoverished people who depended on taxis as their only means of transportation.

Unless a situation smelled of danger, I always went to the door. This passenger might be someone who needs my assistance, I reasoned to myself.

So I walked to the door and knocked. “Just a minute”, answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 80′s stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940s movie. By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets. There were no clocks on the walls, no knick-knacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

“Would you carry my bag out to the car?” she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman. She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb. She kept thanking me for my kindness.

“It’s nothing”, I told her. “I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated.”

“Oh, you’re such a good boy”, she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, then asked, “Could you drive through downtown?”

“It’s not the shortest way,” I answered quickly.

“Oh, I don’t mind,” she said. “I’m in no hurry. I’m on my way to a hospice.”

I looked in the rear view mirror. Her eyes were glistening.

“I don’t have any family left,” she continued. “The doctor says I don’t have very long.”

I quietly reached over and shut off the meter. “What route would you like me to take?” I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator. We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl. Sometimes she’d ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, “I’m tired. Let’s go now.”

We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico. Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her. I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

“How much do I owe you?” she asked, reaching into her purse.

“Nothing,” I said.

“You have to make a living,” she answered.

“There are other passengers”.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.

“You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,” she said. “Thank you.”

I squeezed her hand, then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.

I didn’t pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly, lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don’t think that I have done anything more important in my life.

We’re conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware – beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

2011-02-23T15:26:00.000-08:00

Have you ever experienced real time growth? I’m not talking about growing an inch taller or having your nails get longer... I am talking about observing yourself overcome obstacles in present time that used to baffle you in the past.

So many of us are seekers... We are people who strive to be better, feel better, and live up to our highest potential. We see therapists, attend workshops, read self help books, meditate, attend 12 step meetings etc... We are told that if we keep working on ourselves we will see immense change and growth beyond our wildest dreams. In many occasions we do, but from what I have heard and experienced is that we realize it after the fact.

It is truly a gift to experience ourselves feel different and react differently to a pattern as it is happening in the present moment. By doing this we are acknowledging ourselves for not only the work we have put in but also for coming out more enlightened and clear.

Acknowledging ourselves is KEY here. We are so prone to encouraging others but what about ourselves? When was the last time you said to yourself that you did a kick ass job on that presentation or that your apple and pear cobbler was beyond delicious. Have you ever truly looked at yourself and all you’ve done and celebrated YOU?

Doing the work that outside sources suggest is only one part of the work. Being your biggest fan and advocate is the other half of the equation. In order for us to move past our self-defeating patterns - it is imperative to focus on how far we have come - NOT on how much further we have to go.

Chinese Proverb

The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.

Thomas A. Edison

I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward.

This Thomas Edison story is one of my favorites. I paraphrase but it goes a little something like this:

Thomas Edison and his apprentice were working diligently in their laboratory trying to harness an electrical current into a conductor which would later be known as the lightbulb. However - each time they tried to harness the current it blew something up or started a fire etc... On the 999th time Edison and his apprentice tried to guide the electrical current to the metal conductor and a huge explosion occurred. The laboratory was a complete mess. The apprentice then asked: Mr. Edison, We have tried this 999 times and we keep failing. When are we going to just accept that what we are doing isn’t going to work? Thomas responded by saying: We have not failed 999 times - we now know 999 ways that don’t work.

IT IS NOT FAILURE.... IT IS SIMPLY FEEDBACK.

You see, Thomas Edison didn’t look at his failures as actual failures. He saw them as one step closer to achieving his goal.

This is the perfect example of acknowledging ourselves - IN PRESENT TIME.

Can you think of something right now that you are working toward that you can experience real time growth?

Please share your experiences after you have tried this. We are a community to encourage each other to be and feel better. M

The Gratitude List

2009-12-08T13:57:00.001-08:00

THE GRATITUDE LIST

I would say that almost every night for the past few years I have written out a gratitude list. It is basically a laundry list of all the people, places and/or things that I am grateful for in my life. This exercise was suggested to me by my spiritual mentor and it has shifted my mindset into another dimension.

By focusing on what we have - those people, places and things become brighter and more prevalent in our lives. WHATEVER WE FOCUS ON GETS BIGGER. So for example – if I focus on the stack of bills on my desk – they become more daunting and ominous. On the other hand if I focus on getting another job or focus on who, what, when or how can I bring even more money in than I already am bringing in – my energies automatically shift to the solution and the solution gets bigger.

There are some nights where the gratitude list never ends. I am in such gratitude for the people in my life, the opportunities that are afforded to me, and the beauty I see and experience everyday. But such is life – there are days when it is a complete struggle to get a list of 10 on paper.

For example: I was in a bad mood and I couldn’t find anything I was grateful for. I got up to get something to snack on and realized that if I didn’t have a handle on the fridge door, I wouldn’t be able to open it. It then dominoed from there. I was grateful to have food in my house, to have electricity to keep it from spoiling. There was gratitude for the fact that I had a home to store this fridge and electricity. The home is a place where people I love come to visit and it is my sanctuary.

Life is full of incredible gifts if we just open our minds to see them.

What are you grateful for today?

Surviving the Holidays? Really?

2009-12-08T13:48:00.000-08:00

Yes – it is that time of year folks. Time to be jolly, eat tons of food and spend money. Woo Hoo – Bring it on! As soon as we see those Halloween costumes and candy for sale at Target – we know on Nov. 1^st the Turkey paraphernalia and Christmas/Hanukah push is upon us.

Let me start by saying: PRESUPPOSTIONS!!! A presupposition is a term or word that implies a meaning or feeling. For instance – If you say “I really want to make money to take away my stress.” The presupposition is that you have no money and that you are stressed. If you focus on scarcity and fear - that will show up in your life until you change your thoughts and language.

What I am getting at here is even having the title SURVIVING THE HOLIDAYS presupposes that we have to fight to enjoy – struggle to have peace – find a way to trudge through this season.

So – because I am your resident LIFE COACH/NLP PRACTITIONER… I’d like to give you some tips on ENJOYING THE HOLIDAY SEASON.

1) Pay attention to your thoughts. If you start to have thoughts of dread, stress, and frustration – those situations will present themselves. Your brain is extremely powerful – your subconscious will always give you what you are thinking. If you are having those thoughts – write down the complete opposite on a piece of paper. Even if it means you are writing it down 20 times a day on random pieces of paper – you are actually rewiring your thoughts in order to attract what you want into your life.

2) Holiday Vision Board - Start leafing through magazines or books and see what you are attracted to for the holiday season. I am going out on a limb here but would say most people think they should gravitate to the colors of orange and brown for Thanksgiving and red and green for Christmas. If you find yourself leaning toward pics of a beach in Hawaii – acknowledge it – cut it out – paste it on what will become your holiday vision board.

3) Budget Budget Budget…. If you decide you want to spend Christmas at the beach – go for it and know – YOU DON’T HAVE TO GIVE ANY PRESENTS ON CHRISTMAS OR CHANUKAH. Take time for you and your loved ones by creating memories – not clutter.

4) I will leave you with this:

Watch your thoughts – they become your words. Watch your words – they become your actions. Watch your actions – they become your character. Watch your character – it becomes your destiny. Words like “looking forward to,” “excited about, “ “an opportunity to” are great presuppositions to attracting joy and peace into your life.

JOY AND PEACE come from within.

Much Joy and Peace to you and yours….

Pride In Reverse

2009-09-21T13:34:00.000-07:00

PRIDE IN REVERSE....

The meaning of this is thinking about ourselves - thinking that everyone else is thinking about us - but the clincher here is that it is all negative.

Do you relate to this? Ever walk into a room and assume that people are thinking you look fat or old? Have you ever given a presentation and assumed that you were boring the crowd into oblivion? Or maybe this one... ever go on a date and assume that he/she wasn't attracted to you at all?

Well this my friends is what we call Pride in Reverse. Thinking about ourselves in a negative light. We are so consumed with what others are thinking about us - what we are thinking about ourselves that it robs us from our present lives.

There is a book that changed my life in this arena - "THE FOUR AGREEEMENTS" by Don Miguel Ruiz.

1st Agreement - Be Impeccable to your word.
2nd Agreement - Don't make assumptions
3rd Agreement - Don't take anything personally
4th Agreement - Always do your Best.

If you always do your best to not gossip, speak ill of others, spread rumors and instead encourage, keep your comments to yourself, and spread love - you will live a blessed life.

If you always do your best to not assume you know what others may or may not be thinking about you - your mind will be quiet and peaceful. You will never know what someone really thinks about you and quite frankly - it's none of your business.

If you always do your best to not take anything personally you can stay present and live your life being validated internally vs. externally.

We can't do these things all the time everyday of our lives - we are human after all.

But try your best and you will see miracles occur.

This book is amazing - I suggest picking it up.

Much Love and Light to you today.

Being Interested vs. Being Interesting

2009-09-21T12:42:00.000-07:00

This concept really resonated with me. If I were to be truly honest - I would have to say That most of my life I concentrated on BEING INTERESTING. Do you like me? Do you think I am pretty? Do you think I am smart enough, funny enough, fun enough? After much seeking and self awareness I have thankfully come to the place in my life where I am more INTERESTED in you than being concerned about if you find ME INTERESTING.

Concentrating on being interesting is what I call pride in reverse. When one is prideful - they are thinking about themselves in a good way. They walk into a room and expect everyone to look at them - admire them - approach them because of their greatness. This can have it's good and bad consequences. Pride in reverse is - "Everyone is thinking about me and what a loser I am." "Everyone is noticing how much weight I have gained." "Everyone feels sorry for me because I lost my job or my marriage fell apart."

Trying to be interesting is EXHAUSTING. We cannot control what others think of us. To go one step further, we will NEVER really know what someone is or isn't thinking - so why spend our precious time and energy on it?

If we exert our energies into finding out about others, learning new skills, reading up on someone that interests us - doesn't that in itself make us more interesting? We don't have to try so hard.

The concept is quite simple to grasp but sometimes not easy to implement.

FOR TODAY: I will work on being interested in others vs. being interesting to others.